It’s probably silly but…

This morning I called about every Party City between California and Florida. I was told there wasn’t a single on available in the state of Colorado. Everywhere I knew someone, I called the store closest to them, trying to find a girl Minion costume for Natalie. I was a woman on a mission and I was coming up empty handed. Ebay has a few but they’re three times the cost and I just can’t afford to do that.

I haven’t tried this hard to find one of my kids anything in years. In fact, over the years I can only think of two other times and they were both the hard to find toys at Christmas. Thankfully the Halloween gods were smiling on me and when I walked into the third Halloween store of the day, someone had just returned the costume she wants, in her size.

It seems silly I’m sure. A nine year old should be able to handle having to pick out a new costume. Truth? She would have been sad and then she’d of gotten over it if I’d had to make her pick something else. Because that’s who she is. I’m the one who may not have been able to get over it.

It’s so much more than the costume.

It’s hard to know what to write and what to not right. I’m still finding my sea legs here I guess. I’m hesitant. However here goes nothing. Natalie lives with me full time. She has since May. She doesn’t see her father anymore. It started out by a fight. With him and his wife smack talking her imperfections and her over hearing it. I tried to make them work it out. Oh holy hell I’ve tried. I tried to get them to do therapy with her. I made him come see her just him once or twice a week for two solid months. Yet, he just flat out seems incapable of fixing this one. He won’t fix it. He won’t work on it. He thinks she is too much work. You know, because she talks in class sometimes and you have to redirect her at home when you need something done occasionally. Supposedly it’s because she’s too much like me. Maybe it started because of their baby and she feels displaced. Who knows really.

What I know is that six weeks ago he just gave up even with the pitiful attempt. Last week he canceled her health insurance. He gave me basically two days notice to get her covered for October. “She’s all yours now then you should cover her” were his exact words. I don’t know what to do anymore except give up. Natalie has fully and completely given up on him. He still has the other two every other week and things are fine with them. In some ways it’s easier now to not try and get them to be together, to get him to parent Natalie, but it still sucks the big one.

She’s such a trooper. She’s very matter a fact about all of this and while I know it hurts her deeply, she’s done really well. She is an absolutely amazing kid. Perfect? Hell no. But no one is, despite what my ex believes.

I couldn’t disappoint her. I just couldn’t. She’s Minion obsessed. She rarely asks for things and is adamant about them. She is an equally opportunity toy/movie/game/book lover. When she wants something, if it isn’t there, she will gladly accept anything else. I mean really this is the same kid who played with plastic spoons and an EGGO waffle box for a good year as a toddler. But she wanted to be a Minion and she wanted that costume and I dropped the ball. I waited way too long to buy it and the manufactures of it just plain didn’t make enough.

Some days I feel like I’m all she’s got and I need to try harder for her. It’s such a small little thing, a Halloween costume and while I knew it was probably silly, I couldn’t not find it. I couldn’t let her down. So thank you Halloween gods.



10 thoughts on “It’s probably silly but…

  1. I’ve been there. When my daughter was very sick several years ago, I went out of my way to do what I could for her, even if what I could do was not to make her well (though I fought for that with all of my strength), there were times when I just had to spoil her a bit. I kind of think it helps.

  2. Wow, so glad you found the costume and I’m so sorry she has to go through all of this with her dad.

  3. I want to say not very nice things about your ex right now, but I will say is your a very good mom.

  4. I think you get to count this one in the win column. I have no words for what happened to her, but I’m so glad she has you.

  5. Sigh. Oh, friend, I get this. My ex has a very clear bias with our kids and it drives me crazy. Like, on his last visit, he texted me that he wanted to stop by the night before he left “to say goodbye to Catie.” Not to “the kids.” Not “to Catie and Lucy.” Just Catie. And he’ll do things like schedule days off with just him and Catie, and Lucy never gets solo Daddy Time.

    And while I sort of get it – he left when Lucy was 10 weeks old, so they never really bonded that much (and she doesn’t seem to miss him when he isn’t around, while Catie pines for him) – it’s just unfair. So I find myself doing things like going out of my way for Lucy to try to make it feel more balanced and fair. But it isn’t fair. So we do what we can to fill in the gaps.

    Point being: I’m really, really glad you found her that costume.

    • Sigh. Yeah, I wondered how that one was going. I just don’t understand. I know first hand the issues it causes later in life and yet I see how nothing can be done to change it.

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