Three years

As of yesterday I’ve been divorced for three years. I keep wondering when it won’t matter anymore. When I’ll forget the day. When I will stop being pissed that I decided that an October divorce date was okay with me. October used to be my favorite month. It’s cool, but generally sunny and not snowing. The leaves are absolutely gorgeous. Pumpkin things are in full effect and there are no holidays that involve me wrapping nine zillion things or driving a zillion hours. We’ve generally gotten back into the school routine by now and the darker Sunday mornings have always made me happy. While all of those other things are still true, there is this undertone of bleh-ness that follows me through the month.

Yesterday I was depressed and actually took the day off work and watched Flip or Flop on HGTV all day in bed. Today I’m pissed off at the world and all the things and just GAH!

I’ve really tried not to care. But I guess I still do. Maybe next year.

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2 thoughts on “Three years

  1. Huh. You just made me realize that I recently (as in 4 days ago) hit the one year anniversary of my divorce. The date didn’t even register in my mind. Probably because I was dealing with a sick, puking toddler and not paying attention to the calendar. Not sure how I feel about it. Not pissed. More… relieved, I guess. My life is a lot better now than it used to be.

    I hope that by next year you’ll feel completely indifferent about it and not even notice the date (although minus the puking kid – nobody needs that).

  2. I can’t necessarily relate to where you are, but a thought…

    You used to frequently write about how changed you are since your divorce. I think in many ways your voice has become more confident and empowered over the last three years. You have found a self that didn’t exist 37 months ago. So while I definitely think there is an understandable pall over October because of the loss, I think you should also see it as a celebration as what you have become, accomplished, and triumphed over since that loss.

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